Thursday, June 6, 2013

A is for Animals

Hi everyone. Let’s just pretend you didn’t notice that I haven’t blogged for a couple of months and I won’t explain why. Cause it’s not very interesting and I don’t want to bore you. Here’s what I’m going to try though: I’m going to alphabet blog. Do you like how I say that like it’s a thing? I have no idea if it’s a thing but that’s what I’m doing. First up: Animals.


I’m sure it’s not secret to any of you that I’m not a fan of animals. They smell, they require attention, and even a five-pound dog can take up an entire king-size bed. She’s just a baby here, but trust me, she grows into a monstrous and lethal combination of an almost-five-pound bundle of neediness and cute.


The boys, then, have had to be creative when it comes to finding non-human friends. Stuffed animals have always had names and personalities. Our vehicles have names and personalities. Our vacuum cleaner has a name and a personality (Giles reminds me a lot of my brother when he was a kid. He’d always crawl into the oddest places and get stuck. My entire childhood is punctuated by my brother’s muffled voice: “Mo-om, I’m stu-uck.”). 
Second time today. Maybe stay out from under there.


Twin A found a new pet the other day. This is Steven. He spent the night sleeping on my couch and then after saying “Top of the morning to ya” in a perfect Irish accent, disappeared. I haven’t seen him since (making him the best pet ever)…I hope Giles doesn’t know anything about that.

One more thing about animals: Twin B can be a little…stubborn in his beliefs. If he KNOWS something to be true, then there is no changing his mind about it. Calamari is going to taste disgusting no matter how many times he hasn’t tried it, the book Angela’s Ashes is about some demon kid burning a girl named Angela cause that’s what it looks like from the cover, and for some reason, fish are not animals.


We used to play this game in restaurants while waiting for our food where one of us would choose a Disney animated character and the other two would have to guess who it was (20 questions with a theme). Is it male? Is he in a princess movie? Is she the main character? Is he an animal? Toy? God? Monster? Car? The game becomes more difficult when you realize that Nemo, Cleo, and Flounder are not considered animals. Geesh.

No comments:

Post a Comment