Thursday, January 24, 2013

Go On and Make Your Jokes, Mr. Jokey Jokemaker

I have a friend. We'll call her "Ironman." Mostly because she is a two-time Ironman Finisher. Needless to say, she likes to be active. Which kind of sucks for me. She and her boyfriend have just broken up and she really wants to keep busy so as not to think about it. Fair enough, but how did I get caught in the middle of this.

Ironman: I never get to see you.
Me: Let's go out for dinner.
Ironman: Let's do something more active.
Me: We can park at the other side of the parking lot.

So, I'm now playing competitive dodgeball. There is a game every week, with rules and stuff. And playoffs, you guys. My history with team sports includes a season of soccer when I was seven and...nope, that's it. I mean, sure, there's that time that the boys' basketball team had a parent game. I played one shift and then kept score for the entire game cause apparently I'm really bad at basketball.

We played our first game last night. I freaked out on the way there. I have a little social anxiety problem and playing a sport I haven't played since grade 4 with strangers who expect stuff of me on a team where I knew exactly one person was not so much in my comfort zone. It turned out pretty well. Ironman rocked. She was catching balls and getting people out all over the place. She was a true asset to the team.

I played too.


Friday, January 11, 2013

Purse Game

Have you ever played the game where whoever has the weirdest thing in her purse wins? I used to win a lot because I had kids before most of my friends. They'd be all "I have three different lipsticks" and I'd be all "I have a brown toy truck and a plastic purple screwdriver" and they'd be all "I have a pen from a hotel I've never stayed in" and I'd be all "Dude, please, the only writing utensil I have in my purse is a burnt sienna crayon."

Let's play that game using cars. Today in my vehicle I have:
  • 5 canvas shopping bags folded neatly
  • many different flavours of candy that never gets eaten
  • various blankets and stadium seating accessories
  • a first aid kit
  • a toque from a team the boys played on 6 years ago
  • 2 pairs of swim trucks, neither of which belong to my kids
  • 50 pounds of haggis
You know what? Let's just say I win.


Thursday, January 10, 2013

She Asked For It

I'm going on holidays for a week coming up soon. My Thursday-night friend offered to watch my house and take in my mail which is so nice of her. She also told me to leave a note with any special instructions she should know about while we are away. So I did:

Dear Thursday-night friend,

Remember when you said to leave a note if there was anything particular you needed to know about or check while I was gone? I said there was nothing, but I’ve thought of a few things since.

There’s nothing that needs to be done today. We just left so everything should be good. Please go through the fridge and take anything you think might expire before we get back. Hopefully your kids will eat it.

Could you water the plants—they need special water you can get from a store downtown called Expensive Water for Plants. I don’t actually have any here, but you can pick some up; the plants don’t need to be watered until 7:00 pm so that will give you plenty of time to get to the city and back.

Tuesday is sheets and towels day. Please strip all of our beds, wash and dry the sheets, and then re-make the beds. We each like our beds made in a specific way so please pay attention to the configurations when you pull them off the beds so you can put them back exactly the same.

I like to have the bathrooms cleaned on Wednesdays. I wasn’t able to do it for the last couple of weeks because I was getting ready for my trip and napping instead, so they really need to be dealt with. The boys are getting better at aiming which is nice, but all the same, please make sure the areas around the toilets get some extra attention. Also, I’ve never been a fan of cleaning the bathtub so it’s been about a year since anyone’s done that; I’m sure it won’t be that bad, it’s not like we work in the coal mine.

My pantry is kind of a mess. Would you mind just going through and organizing a little? While you’re in the kitchen anyway, the cupboard doors all need to be wiped down. Also, if it’s not too much trouble, could you lay new linoleum—as you can see the current flooring is crap.

We’ll be home tomorrow so please just freshen up the place—fresh flowers, maybe a few groceries. You know what would make it really fresh? Perhaps a coat of paint in the hallway; it’s so dingy in there.

Thanks so much for taking care of all of this. You are such a great neighbour and friend. I hope you won’t have any trouble getting this done while we’re gone. If you have some extra time, could you take a look at all the ceiling fans; they really need to be dusted. And also, there is a stack of bills to be paid—you don’t have my banking info, obviously, so I’ll just assume you’ll take care of it. You can do those last two things on any of the days that we’re gone, but I would suggest you do them on Sunday as the other days you will be pretty busy will all the other chores.

Thanks again. See you when we get back.
I cannot wait to hear what she has to say about this. It almost makes coming back to snow and cold worth it. Almost.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

2013? Already?

Time for the yearly round-up.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
It actually ended up being a pretty quiet year, which was great after the gong show of 2011. I went on a cruise, though. I've never done that before. I'd even do it again; I didn't even mind that 90 percent of the other passengers were 100 years older than me.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I always make five resolutions. I achieved one. Sadly, there are two things that have been on that list for at least four years. Fingers crossed for this year. (It's funny how I pretend I have nothing to do with actually achieving those goals.)
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I got a niece this year.
4. Did anyone close to you die?

Nobody close. X's grandma died. She was well into her 90s. We went to the funeral. It was lovely.
5. What countries did you visit?
We visited Honduras, Belize, Mexico, and the US. We also went to the mountains for a week with my aunt and cousins and had a blast.
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Same answer as last year: fame, fortune, perhaps someone who will take me out for the kind of dinner I have to dress up for.
7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
On July 7, I celebrated my 40th birthday. Honestly, it was a quiet year.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

My biggest achievement was more internal. And kinda lame-sounding. I think, for the most part, I found some inner peace. I'm not saying I never feel stress or frustration, but I've really worked to just fuckin' relax.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not achieving the previously mentioned resolutions that have been on my list for such a long time.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major that I remember.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
I bought some UGG's wedges this year. They are so pretty.  
I am hoping one year to say something more fabulous like a car or a house, but for now you can look at my pretty shoes. 
12. Where did most of your money go?
Where it usually ends up: raising kids.  
13. What did you get really excited about?
I started talking to an old friend that I haven't seen for a very long time. Our kids go to the same school now and have a lot in common. And so do we.
14. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Not because it was released in 2012, but because that's when I found it.  
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

Happier or sadder?
Thinner or fatter? The same but I plan to answer this "thinner" later in the year.
Richer or poorer? Also the same, but I'm ok with that.
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I had exercised more. Not even just because it's good for me, but because it makes me feel good.  

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

18. How did you spend Christmas?
The same as usual. Christmas Eve dinner at Denny's, then church. We get up EARLY in the morning (Twin A was texting me "wake up" messages at 517am. I made him wait until 6*). Open presents, invite my parents over, open more presents, breakfast. This year we went over to my brother's to open more presents and then X's sister's to open more presents. My favourite kind of day.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
New Girl. I cannot get enough of that show.
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
My goal was to read more than 47 books (because that's how many I read in 2011). That was the only resolution that I actually achieved. I read 80. My favourites of those 80 were "What Alice Forgot." It's about this woman who slips, bangs her head, and can't remember anything from the last 10 years. I also really liked "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." It reminds me a lot of "Catcher in the Rye" and I really like that book.
21. What was your favorite music from this year?

I'm not really sure what it's called. Mellow-pop maybe?
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
I never really spend a whole lot of time in the theatre. I did see "This is 40" which I liked a lot. We also got Netflix, so we've been watching a lot of movies and tv shows. Our brand new favourite is called "Better Off Ted." How have we never heard of this show before. It's amazing.
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 40. My parents had a party for me at a local lounge. It was fun. I have a lot of friends, but many different groups. So most of my friends don't know each other. I couldn't really relax and enjoy my party because I was so concerned that I wasn't spending enough time with each group. All the same, I really, really loved that so many friends could make it.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I honestly loved 2012. A lot of things seemed to fall in place. Sure, it'd be nice to have a ton of money and be able to do whatever I wanted when I wanted to do it, but that's not overly realistic.
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
Same answer as last year: lazy. Dresses are easy so I didn't have to put a whole lot of thought or effort into my clothing choices.
26. What kept you sane?
A more balanced life with more needs being met.  
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.

There are very few things that deserve the amount of stress and anxiety we give them.

So, that was my year. I will try to blog more in the coming year. And hopefully, the posts won't be as boring as this one.

* Christmas morning text conversation with Twin A who is in his own bed across the hall from mine.
Me: No. 6 o'clock.
Twin A: That's ridiculous! So I'm just supposed to lay here for another 38 minutes?!
Me: Shhhh. Mommy's sleeping.
Twin A: I'll try to cry more gently into my pillows then.
Me: Great.