Thursday, April 28, 2011

Week 4

Week four is not going so well. I don't really remember what exactly I'm supposed to be doing for it: something about meeting new people. I don't introduce myself to people at the best of times. This week is not the best of times.

X is dead. The Medical Examiner thinks it was an accident. Accident or not, addiction killed my ex-husband. His helplessness to conquer crack cocaine has left my children without a father. And they are angry and they are embarrassed and they want this all to go away and leave them alone. They don't want to deal with this or any of the feelings that go along with it.

My heart breaks for my children and his family and especially for him. Rest in Peace X. I will take care of them.


Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Ways of the Rich

Some time ago, Malison, her boyfriend, and another friend, Cake Mix and I were renovating a mansion. I was absolutely flabbergasted that there was a room off the kitchen that was fitted with a sink, a mini-fridge, and plenty of cupboard and counter space. Basically, it was a little kitchen attached to the big kitchen. And you know what, I don't get it. What's it for? And the boyfriend tried to explain, but I turned to Cake Mix and said "I don't understand the ways of the rich." This became one of our taglines.

It is in this spirit that we just had this conversation:

Me: This whole "working" thing is a huge strain on my schedule.

Cake Mix: I know. We really need to buy lottery tickets! Or find a sugar daddy. Lottery probably easier. I'm to old for a sugar're definitely still in the running. (PS. She's not that old AND she's beautiful.)

Me: Every time I hear the phrase "sugar daddy," I think about the episode of Sex and the City where Samantha slept with an old, rich dude and he had a saggy bum.

Cake: You can't have it all. Firm butt or millions? If you choose the firm butt instead of money, eventually he will have a saggy bottom too...and you will still be broke.

Me: Fine. I guess he could pay for butt implants if it's something I couldn't live with.

Cake: Now you are thinking. I could be your gardener and bathtub filler-upper.

Me: Why? Aren't you planning to be rich too? Can't we just go to luncheons and shop for tiaras together?

Cake: You marry rich then "hire" me to do ridiculous things. But we still will go tiara shopping.

Me: I don't think that is an activity you can do alone. What if the one you get doesn't suit your head shape? You need a friend there to be truthful before you show up at the gala in an ill-fitting tiara.

Cake: An ill-fitting tiara is a disaster.

I guess we understand the ways of the rich better than we thought.


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Week 3

Last week didn't go as well as I hoped. I hoped to come out of Week 2 thinking "Wow! I am amazing. More people should be like me." Instead I came out thinking "Wow! I'm really not that great. I should never pay so much attention to my thoughts ever again." And as for the forgiving X thing. Uh...that didn't go so well either. But I tried and that was the whole point, right?

Plus, I hurt my back AGAIN and missed a couple of days of yoga. That really sucked too. I was so very frustrated. The whole reason I started doing yoga in the first place was to stretch out my IT band so I could run. To not be able to do either made me feel like the Universe wants me to be a slug. Ugh.

Saw the doctor yesterday. He says I should go ahead and do yoga; it's probably helping. I like that so I'm going to keep trying to go every day. This morning I was there at 630.

The other challenge of Week 3 is to be green. I feel a small gesture of greeness every day should suffice. I already recycle, use canvas shopping bags for groceries, and have pretty short showers and I don't see me ever being the type of person to re-use toilet paper, so something small will have to do.

Yesterday, I took the luncheon meat out of the original packaging and grabbed a zip-lock baggie. I stopped myself, put the baggie back and got a reusable container. It seems silly, but I was kind of proud of myself.


Friday, April 15, 2011

Good day...

I am trying very hard not to let life's little stresses get me down today. I don't want to whine. So, in honour of my goal this week of thinking positive things about myself, here is a list of five things that make me great:

1. I'm punctual...more often than not.
2. I'm not hideous...people don't cower in fear when they see me; that's a good sign.
3. I'm raising nice, well-rounded children...despite the phone call home from the principal yesterday.
4. I sometimes stand up for I did yesterday (it had nothing to do with the phone call home from the principal but something that didn't involve the kids at all).
5. I can come up with some pretty good reasons why I'm great even when I'm feeling guilty and sad and lonely.

Yay me!


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Smily Face

I often hear people tell my son: "You have your mother's smile."

Holy Shit! That's what you see when you look at me?

My son has the best smile. It's the kind of smile that reaches every single inch of his face. It's the kind of smile that makes you feel special because he shared it with you. When he smiles, he means it. And he smiles often; that happy smile that shares some optimism and a knowledge that no matter what happens, it'll all turn out ok.

I love that smile. And I love that you see all that in me. Thank you. :)


Monday, April 11, 2011

Week 2

Last week was a cakewalk compared to what this week's challenge is: challenge yourself to listen to the voice inside that celebrates your magnificence. That means I can only think positive things about myself, that I can't talk myself out of doing anything because I'm afraid I won't succeed, and that this week's blogposts will be like one long love letter to myself. Well, I guess if you don't already know how fabulous I am, this is the week you will learn.

Also, as an added challenge, I can choose to try to forgive someone whose actions still affect my life. Go hard or go home; I'm going to try to forgive X. He got out of rehab...again on Thursday. He went missing on Saturday. His actions don't affect me personally, but they do affect my children and that in turn affects me. I'm going to try to forgive him for that. He might never hear that I forgive him...for that matter I might not be able to do it. But I'm going to try and that's the point right?

Stay tuned for nice thoughts about [Lily Starlight]. I'll leave you with this:

Even after seven days of yoga in a row, I'm not looking in the mirror and thinking "WOW," but I do feel stronger and I do feel more peaceful.

I would love if you joined me in my challenge: just leave one thing you like about yourself in the comments.


Friday, April 8, 2011

Week 1

I'm doing a yoga challenge. I have to take 40 classes in 50 days and every week there is an added bonus challenge. This week is a sugar-free week and also I have to have one vegetarian meal a day.

So far I have gone to yoga five days in a row and not eaten any sweets even though my mom made the most yummiest chocolate chip cookies in the world. The kind that we used to beg her to make when we were young. The first recipe I ever tried so as not to have to wait for her to make them. I call them "Page 64 of the Wild Rose Cookbook cookies." They are currently sitting in my freezer (hidden from the kids) until next Monday when I can eat sugar again, which is probably not the point of the challenge, but just because I'm eating Page 64s doesn't mean I'll just suddenly start pigging out on every sugary thing ever invented. Geesh you guys, have some faith.

As far as the vegetarian meal thing. I don't eat a whole lot of meat anyway; I certainly don't eat meat three times a day. This one is not really that hard. I did try something new though: quinoa. It's pretty good. I'd even have it again. So to recap: yoga every day, no sugar, one veggie meal. Done, done, and done!


Tuesday, April 5, 2011


I am obnoxiously braggy about my kids. It's just that they are sooooo great. They're smart and funny and athletic and good-looking and they deserve so much better than what they have.

They deserve a perfect family, not one parent who can't manage to stay out of the loony-bin because of drug-related mental problems and another parent who flounders through life hoping one day, against all odds, to be successful. They deserve to have every opportunity that is open to them: to play every sport that they show the slightest interest in, to take every class they have any curiosity about, to travel the world and never hear the words "we can't afford it."

But even though they can't take advantage of all those opportunities, and even though they hear "we can't afford it," more often than any of us would like, they are happy and polite and fun to be around. They are amazing and totally worth bragging about.

If you get annoyed with me because I think my kids are the best kids that ever lived ever in the whole history of the world then I'm sorry. Still, I'm not going to stop...


Monday, April 4, 2011

Things I like

  1. The day after Spring Break.

  2. Good mail days - one day last week I got three magazines, a paycheque, and an invitation to a wedding. That's it. No bills or postcards from my dentist or anything. It was awesome.

  3. The sun - and even though I spent the lunch hour at an elementary school going hoarse yelling: "Stay out of the puddles," "I said stay away from the water," and "I don't want to have to tell you again or I'll make you hold my hand and walk around with me and you won't get to play with any of your friends, go find something to do over there where there is no water," I still love that it's finally melting and that we just might see spring sometime relatively soon.

  4. Random sentences that I've actually said - Me: Well, sure, who hasn't opened an origami store to get out of housecleaning?

  5. Open windows - when my windows are open and I'm doing laundry, I can smell the vanilla-scented dryer sheets. Plus with two teenage boys around, it's nice to have a house that smells fresh every once in a while.