Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Suburban Mouse Visits the Mountains

For some reason, spending time outdoors in the mountains is much more palatable then sitting outside in an RV park. As previously discussed, sitting by a smelly fire being eaten alive by bugs and drinking yet another cooler that I don't really want but what else am I going to drink because the water is not actually for drinking is not really my thing. Perhaps the difference is that when you're outside in the mountains you're doing something. Whatever it is, the boys and I had a fabulous time.

1. We met BFF for a hike. We got to the proper mountain just as some other hikers were coming down. They saw a bear not very far up and we decided that walking around town would be just as fun as hiking. It was a good visit.

A couple of days later, we went on that hike with Malison and her boyfriend (who, at this point, should really have his own nickname, but then it might get confusing. Plus, one of his favourite things is getting to be Malison's boyfriend, so he probably doesn't actually mind so much). We sat in the cave of contemplation (not to be confused with the cave of urination, the cave of confrontation, or the cave of throwing sand at mom).

2. We went on a rope course. We were in a forest, 15 feet above the ground walking from platform to platform on a series of ropes. I was not aware that I could still do the splits. Some of the ropes swung away from each other and I was caught, more than once, with one foot waaaaay far behind me and one foot waaaaay out ahead of me. I would love to tell you that I was extremely graceful but I honestly felt a little like a cartoon character. Getting down from the last platform involved a difficult corroboree of hanging on, closing my eyes, and screaming. Some people call that ziplining...whatever.

3. We also played a little in the mountain streams. I say it that way because I'm super-cool and it sounds better than: we careened down a fast-flowing mountain river with nothing between us and life-threatening jagged rocks but a thin piece of rubber.

4. I cooked every fricken meal. Seriously, I cooked, like, eight meals in a row. I'd get out of bed and head for the kitchen. And, no, I didn't make anything finicky or gourmet; it was all really easy stuff. A nice change from when we're at home and if we aren't eating out, we're having nachos or whatever the boys can find that doesn't require more than hitting buttons on the microwave. If I'm really being honest, I watched twin B eat four freezies, a sleeve of saltines, and as many oranges as were left in the fridge for dinner tonight. I know, I know, a good mom would make them dinner, but I'm still full from lunch and, really, at 14 how hard is it to heat up some soup or boil some pasta.

Anyway, our holiday was fabulous. And I do it all again in a hearbeat.


Monday, July 25, 2011


I have this friend; her name is Sugarplum Flittering Flower. I met her in college and we clicked the moment we met. I have never in my life met anyone who loves paper as much as I do. She's also the kind of person who gives you gifts for absolutely no reason, remembers every date that's important to you and finds a way to celebrate it, and makes sure to stay in touch no matter how busy her life gets. She recently lost 170 pounds. And even though she treats that like it's no big deal and it's not good enough, it IS a big deal and I find her very inspirational. She also never, ever, ever can take a compliment. (I can imagine her cringing as she reads this. Stop that!)

One day, many years ago, she got bored and put our name through a bunch of name generators. Her very British name is Margaret Wilson; my gay name is Sparkle Bartender. Her fairy name is Sugarplum Flittering Flower (obviously!) and my hippie name is Lily Starlight. The funniest: my nickname is Skittles; hers is Slutface.

She has never called me anything but Lily from that point on. Thanks for the alias Sugarplum.

Sugarplum is marrying her sweetheart of 10 years next week. I was honoured to be invited to the dress fitting last week. She looks beautiful. She looks like the dancing ballerina in my jewellery box. I can't wait to see the whole looks with hair and makeup. And I will get to see it, because I've been invited to go to Vegas to check it out.

Congratulations Sugarplum and Bear. See you in Vegas.


Friday, July 15, 2011

Suburban Mouse Visits the RV Park

Remember that story about the City Mouse and the Country Mouse? Where the City Mouse went to visit his country cousin and got into all sorts of trouble because he didn't know the ways of the country folk and then the country mouse went to the city and the same thing happened to him? Here's what happens when you take the "mouse" out of the suburbs and stick her in a campground...

1. Why does everyone in an RV park want to sit outside all the time? There are bugs out there. And also the smell of fire is not pleasant. And have I mentioned the bugs? Surprisingly, the mosquitoes weren't to bad but there were horseflies and ticks and the kind of bugs that sting. My point is sitting outside is uncomfortable. Inside has more comfortable seats, you don't have to swat at stuff all the time, you can control the temperature, and you don't end up having to shower because of the smoke.

2. I had to wear my shoes to shower. Your choices in an RV Park are either shower in the RV, but only run the water to rinse off or shower in the public shower. I chose the public shower, but more because it the water in the RV wasn't really mine to use. Public showers are icky. You have to wear shoes because the floor is slimy and then trying to put on your pants after is quite the feat because your feet are wet and you don't want them to touch any part of your pants and then when you finally get one leg on you have to not let the pant leg touch the slimy floor while simultaneously trying to get your other wet foot through the other leg.

Also, the shower curtain would inevitably touch me and *cringe* I would have to scrub whatever part of me it touched over and over again. And there are bugs in there too and the whole time I was in any of the showers I would be fighting to stay under the three sputtering streams of water, worrying about the shower curtain touching me, and keeping an eye on the bugs so I could swat them away before they could bite me on any part of my body that doesn't normally get much exposure.

3. I was gone for six days. In that time, all I ate was cold cuts, chili, and fast food. And all the water tasted funny so I found myself dehydrated most of the time.

4. Unless you’re the person sleeping in the main bedroom of an RV, your bed is going to be uncomfortable. Not only are you sleeping on what should be a table or couch or hitting your head on the ceiling because you got stuck with the top bunk, but there are also five people sharing a very small space. So if you should actually find yourself asleep, chances are you’ll be woken up by someone else’s tossing and turning or snoring.

I’ve learned that, although, I was happy to see my family and that I really enjoy them personally, this surburban mouse would rather just stay in a hotel.


Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Friends in Low Places...again?

Dear Magpie and Squirrel,

I don't appreciate being waken up at 5 o'clock this morning to witness what I can only assume was a drunken brawl. I don't know why you were arguing so loudly as I don't understand squirrel or magpie, but I distinctly heard the word "karaoke." In my opinion, neither one of you is a great singer, but to disagree so violently can only mean that you both have some problems holding your alcohol. Please get some help.

Thank you,

[Lily Starlight]