Sometimes I don't give X enough credit. He was a good guy that had a problem that he no longer has. So, he escaped from this problem in what was not an overly healthy way. Regardless, he was nice and sweet and funny and that is not a side that I've shared. It would have been his birthday this month, so a tribute to X:
1. He was a very average-sized man, but he could eat a ton. He was the kind of guy that would challenge all the "eat a humongous amount of beef and we'll give you your meal free" contests that some restaurants have. And after he ate that much beef, he'd have a peice of apple pie just to prove his point. I think part of the reason he loved me was because I did not eat that much. So when we ate, he would end up with most of my meal which suited both of us just fine...until I got pregnant and I was starving. He used to stare at my plate longingly, just waiting for me to say "would you like the rest?" One time, I got annoyed and told him he looked like a vulture. He got up from the table, walked around the room, ruffling his wings and thrusting his head forward, and then swooped in and grabbed my food while I laughed my ass off.
2. You know how you always call your partner by his pet name, but you hardly ever say his actual name, but then his actual name starts to sound weird when you do call him that? I noticed one day that I never called him by his real name so I decided to make his actual name my pet name for him. He'd walk in the door at night and I'd greet him with "Hello FirstnameLastname." He seemed to like it well enough.
3. We used to hang out with his recovering alcoholic friends a lot. These people were honestly great. Some looked scary, most looked like they had had hard lives, but they were, without exception, sensitive and kind people (at least the ones that we hung out with). We used to spend a lot of time at X's sponsor's house. Inevitably, Sponsor would end up having a few other people over and we'd start to play cards. The favourite card game in this crowd was Spoons. The point is everyone takes one card out of their hand, passes it to the next person, over and over again until someone ends up with three of a kind. Then that person grabs a spoon from the middle of the table. When you see someone grab for a spoon, you should also grab a spoon (even though you don't have three of a kind) and the one person who doesn't end up with a spoon is out. It can, at times, get pretty violent, depending on how competitive the people you're playing with are. I once watched X and Sponsor fly down the stairs wrestling for the last spoon. I don't remember who got the final spoon, but I do remember the ashamed looks on their faces when when they emerged from the basement and explained to Sponsor's wife that they broke the railing on the way down.
4. Last year at around this time, I hurt my back. I'm not sure how it happened, but I was in bed for a week. I could barely move; it would take me about an hour to get to the bathroom and back. When X found out about this, he went out of his way to bring me pain medication, he helped me out of bed, and he made and brought me food. And you guys, this is after we've been split up for nine years. I wouldn't have done the same for him; I think there are very few people that would treat their ex with such kindness. It is this kind of behaviour though, that makes it hard to hate him.
5. After we split up the very last time, and he found himself a more permanent place to live and tried to put his life back into some sort of order, he met the girl who would, after many years and much drama, become his fiance. When he first met and fell in love with her, he desperately wanted me to meet her (it's funny that it was *my* approval he was seaking). I told him that I'd love to meet her and he brought her over one day. "[Lily Starlight], this is Angle, my girlfriend; Angle, this is [Lily Starlight], my..." there was a pause here, a pause because as he was saying it he realized that we weren't officially divorced, a pause that suddenly let him know that this might just be an awkward situation, but he finished it anyway "...wife." We laughed and shook hands.