I'm Sorry

I'm really bad at apologizing. I can feel regret and shame for things I've done, but I can't bring myself to say I'm sorry. And it's not that I get all defensive and try to justify what I've done; I'm very contrite, but I just can't bring myself to say those words, "I'm sorry."

This doesn't regularly effect my every day life, as I try not to do anything I'll be sorry for. But there is one person that I desperately would like to apologize to and I'm not even sure why.

Is it because I'm not devastated that his dad is dead? Is it because I want him to be someone who accepts change easier? Is it because I want him to try even if he might fail? Is it because no matter how I try I just can't give him what he needs?

I honestly don't know. But I'm really, really sorry.