The Receptionist

I am the luckiest girl in the world. When I decided to quit my job last February, I had a friend (let's call her Malison), who took me under her wing and between her and her boyfriend, they made sure I'd feel secure and able to support my family. At the same time I quit, the receptionist at Malison's boyfriend's company quit--he offered me the job on my terms. Simply, I was there for 4 hours a day and while I was there I should answer the phones (the phones are on an automated system. That means they ring at the front desk only when someone doesn't know already who they need to talk to. This happens on average 5 times a day), sort the mail (small office; not really that much mail), and with the rest of my free time: work on my writing. None of the other staff members were allowed to ask me to do any of their work.

It was heaven.

As of last Friday, that break from my real life has ended. There was drama. It was like a reality show: backstabbing, conniving, people being sent home, a new Head of Household. And I couldn't stay. I'm not sure there was anyone there who actually wanted me to (especially since I never impressed them with any of my skills), but I didn't give them the opportunity to vote me off; I just left.

And now I'm back where I started from. Only this time there is not cushy job to fall back on. This time I actually have to try. I can't just wait for opportunities to fall in my lap; I actually have to go out and find them. And it's scary.

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Smoky

It's smoky here today. There are forest fires in BC that are covering Alberta in smoke. It's hard to breath and it smells like a campfire. I hate campfires. I hate smelling like smoke. I could totally make this into a metaphor for part of what's going on in my life right now, but I don't feel like it.

Otherwise: I'm a certified Nutrition and Wellness Specialist as of yesterday. I may have an opportunity to focus more on my writing career soon. It's not all bad. Change is scary though. And exciting.

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Random

1. I went on my very first blind date last weekend. He was a very nice man. He made me feel comfortable, the conversation flowed, and though we didn't seem to have a whole lot in common, I didn't want to make any decisions on our relationship based on a first date. He called yesterday. Five days after our date. Although he thinks I'm "a very nice person" he's met someone through a dating site and wants to see where that goes. I was impressed that he called; most men wouldn't have. Quite a stand-up gentleman; I hope everything works out for him. I, however, am going back to hiding in my house and avoiding people. I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with the rejection that comes with dating.

2. I think I might have figured out why I'm so tired all the time. Why running is such a strain. I visited my fantastic new doctor yesterday. He poked and prodded at me for a while, then decided that it's quite possible that I've been running on a broken foot for the last six weeks. Perhaps my exhaustion stems from my body's need to heal while I continue to pound the broken part into the ground over and over and over again.

3. My kids tell people I'm a receptionist. "Because it sounds better." GAH! Like I didn't *just* go to school for four years to get a degree. Like I don't have letters behind my name.

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Reason #475 why she's my best friend

Wedding in Hawaii for her.

Macadamia nut Kisses for me.
Win-win.

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Tired

I'm exhausted. All the time. I barely run 2k and I'm lucky if I can walk the rest of the way home. I fall into my bed every afternoon when I get home from work to nap. I have problems getting up in the morning even though I don't have to get up until 9.

Do I need some sort of vitamin supplement? Is it allergies? Am I depressed (besides the tired thing I have no other symptoms of anything)? Don't know. Don't know anything and I'm too lazy to make the appointment to find out.

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Stars

I'm trying desperately to organize my life and get stuff done. So I've invented a "star chart." I printed off a calendar and every day I aim to get five different coloured stars. So far this month I've been doing pretty well.

Green star - the green star symbolizes my nutrition goals. I find that I don't eat enough fruit and vegetables. Canada's food guide recommends 7 to 8 servings per day. Who wants to waste all their calories on fruit and vegetables? So I'm trying to eat both fruit and vegetables every single day. I only average about 4 servings per day. That's ok; I don't seem to be dying of scurvy or anything yet.

Red star - the red star is my exercise goal. I aim to get at least a half hour every day. This is the one that I don't get the most of. I have a lot of excuses, none of them good, for why I skip it. Between running three times a week with my dad and the new exercise regime I plan to make the other football mommies take part in, I will then only need to find time/energy for the weekend days. You know. The days I like to spend reading in my bed.

Gold star - the gold star is my wellness goal. This month I made a list of 31 things that need to be done around my house. Everything from replacing the burnt out lightbulbs in the bathroom vanity and vacuuming my furnace filter to bringing up that damn desk from the basement. The same desk I meant to bring up in February. There's a reason I have to go to the extreme of rewarding myself to do things.

Blue star - the blue star is the water star. All I have to do is drink 2 litres of water a day. This is the one I get 99.9 per cent of the time. Yes, I do pee a lot. Twice while writing this post actually.

Silver star - extra wellness goal because there are five different colours on a sheet of star stickers. Every day I must work on some sort of craft. This one is great for more than just getting crafts completed though. It also keeps me from snacking at night. It's hard to craft and eat at the same time.

In other news, it's my UNniversary today. I would be celebrating my 16th wedding anniversary today if that had worked out. I texted the ex to wish him a happy unniversary, he replied with two lols and an emoticon...no wonder we're divorced.

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Love

My bff just got married. Her and her husband took off to Hawaii and, surrounded by the officiator, the photographer, and a guy playing the guitar, were joined in matrimony. The pictures show a beautiful ceremony. And as much as I would have liked to have been there to celebrate such a momentous occasion, I'm happy they had it just the way they wanted. They're such a great couple--I never thought I'd see the day when she would compromise on anything (not that she's selfish and horrible, just that she knows how she wants things to be and doesn't see a need to try it any other way), but with him: she compromises and is happy to do it. They are in love. It's lovely.

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I always thought she was a little too picky. The man she fell in love with would be This, This, and This and there was no way she would settle for a That, That, and That. Me? I figured I could love anyone. If there was something I didn't like in a mate, I would give him a chance to change...and then another chance, and then another.

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But now I realize. She's right! I need to have deal-breakers and they need to be a for sure thing. When next I fall in love, I want to be in love for the rest of my life. I don't want to settle for someone just because he loves me.

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The last boyfriend I broke up with wished me good luck finding someone to love me because guys don't want girls with baggage. Everyone has baggage; the man I spend the rest of my life with will not consider what I have to be baggage. And I don't expect our lives will be perfectly easy, but knowing exactly what I want and don't want will certainly cut down on time wasted.

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1. I want a professional man. I want someone who has the same or better education. I want to be intellectually on the same level. I don't want to be the teacher in the relationship; I want to learn stuff too.

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2. He has to have money. I'm not saying he has to be a millionaire, but at this age he has to have his own home, a vehicle, savings for retirement and still be able to spoil me a little. I don't want to hitch my wagon to someone who's not going to be able to retire or travel.

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3. Physically I would like him to be taller than me. And at least as active if not more active than I am. I'd like to have someone I have to keep up with. It's too easy for me to relax and before you know it, I'm relaxing for weeks at a time.

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4. But mostly I want someone who I will compromise for and be happy to do it. I don't want to compromise because that's what people do when they're in a relationship. I want to compromise because I truly want the best for him. Because I truly believe that he deserves it. And because I truly believe that he deserves me.

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